There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
