Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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