I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
