Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
