hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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