Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
