I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
