My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
