just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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