just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
