I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
