wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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