I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
