Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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