Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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