When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
