Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
