Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
