Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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