she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
