If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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