Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
