There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
