hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
