Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
