About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
