I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
