I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
