Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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