My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
