dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
