i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
