I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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