you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
