Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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