we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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