i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
