They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
