Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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