five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
