That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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