Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have aggressive nipples.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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