Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
