You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
