Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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