He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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