All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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