Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
