Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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