yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
